9. The day of the blithering idiots.

“Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.”
John Lithgow.

1. Something was up! It was as though half the audience had drunk some mysterious liquid that turned them into blithering idiots. And Mr B, always careful to label things accurately, let them know it.

Mind you, one or two (or three . . .) of his grasshoppers put forth the suggestion that Mr B’s policies were themselves idiotic. This scribe will let you be the judge. Mr B advocated that we:
– raise the legal age a person can be sold cigarettes by one year, every year. For the next eighty years.
– In the same way, we can use the next eighty years to create an entire city (Sydney?) in which there is no gambling, alcohol or cigarettes.
– No one gets an aged pension until they run out of money.
– Free five-star nursing home accommodation for the geriatrics who have not given birth to a child, or sired one.
– Only those who are between the ages of 25 and 39 can vote.

Personally, I think Mr B is ahead of his time.

The last word went to one young girl who tentatively put up her hand to say something. The beneficent Mr B took pity on the poppet and let her speak. She told him off for swearing. (The lass was referring to Mr B’s frequent propensity to call his grasshoppers ‘blithering idiots’.) Taken aback, Mr B pointed out that over half the audience were blithering idiots today, and it was not his fault that they were, and that by informing them that they were blithering idiots he was performing a necessary public duty.

He also pointed out that he wasn’t insulting members of the audience, merely making candid observations.

The young girl seemed unconvinced.

Mr B finally compromised by promising to not call her a blithering idiot.

He’s a classy guy, that Mr B.

2. Steve is still crook with wonky eyes and is awaiting another operation. But he is improving.

Get well soon, Steve!

Steve has written another article for his Passing Parade segment, and it’s below. We really are fortunate to have Steve, not just for his boundless charm, but for his public speaking and for the historical records he provides. He is an invaluable asset to Speakers’ Corner. Thank you, Steve!

Again, get well soon!

3. Uncle Pete almost bowled Mr B over by responding intelligently to a question. Mr B had asked, “Who here can name one of the assertiveness tips from the past five weeks?” Mr B was expecting the usual drool from the corners of his grasshoppers’ mouths, but Uncle Pete answered promptly and correctly. Mr B nearly fell off his ladder. Uncle Pete should be more careful, pulling surprises like that.

Today’s assertiveness tip was a reminder that we are not obliged to answer all questions. If a friendly sales person asks, “How are you going?” we can ignore our past’s conditioning to be polite and instead just ask them what they require from us. That way, we avoid letting them manipulate us into having a friendly conversation and making ourselves more vulnerable. And wasting our time.

Person: “Hi, my name’s Randy. How are you today?”
You: “Good, thanks . . . “ Wrong.
You: “How can I help you?” Correct. You’ve ignored their question and now you’re directing the conversation instead of letting them direct it. You don’t need to frown when you say it and you don’t need to smile. Just focus on what needs to happen. In this instance, they need to state their business clearly and promptly.
Person: ‘Do you ever feel that you pay too much for your internet connection?’
You repeat: ‘How can I help you?’ Good. You haven’t answered their question and you’re still focusing on what is to happen.
Or, you could at this point simply apply another assertiveness tip:
You: ‘I’m not interested, thank you.’
Either way, instead of allowing yourself to be corralled into their conversation, you’re taking charge, firmly but politely.

For more detail click here.

4. Today’s contributors to the poetry segment were Peter the Younger, Uncle Pete, Albert, Mr B and Mark the Grinner, who chose to read the declaration aboriginal Burnum Burnum made when he landed on the shores of England in 1988:

“I, Burnum Burnum, being a nobleman of ancient Australia do hereby take posession of England on behalf of the Aboriginal people. In claiming this colonial outpost, we wish no harm to you natives, but assure you that we are here to bring you good manners, refinement and an opportunity to make a Koompartoo – ‘a fresh start’. Henceforth, an Aboriginal face shall appear on your coins and stamps to signify our sovreignty over this domain. For the more advanced, we bring the complex language of the Pitjantjajara; we will teach you how to have a spiritual relationship with the Earth and show you how to get bush tucker.

We do not intend to souvenir, pickle and preserve the heads of your 2000 of your people, nor to publicly display the skeletal remains of your Royal Highness, as was done to our Queen Truganninni for 80 years. Neither do we intend to poison your water holes, lace your flour with strychnine or introduce you to highly toxic drugs. Based on our 50,000 year heritage, we acknowledge the need to preserve the Caucasian race as of interest to antiquity, although we may be inclined to conduct experiments by measuring the size of your skulls for levels of intelligence. We pledge not to sterilise your women, nor to separate your children from their families. We give an absolute undertaking that you shall not be placed onto the mentality of government handouts for the next five generations but you will enjoy the full benefits of Aboriginal equality. At the end of two hundred years, we will make a treaty to validate occupation by peaceful means and not by conquest.

Finally, we solemnly promise not to make a quarry of England and export your valuable minerals back to the old country Australia, and we vow never to destroy three-quarters of your trees, but to encourage Earth Repair Action to unite people, communities, religions and nations in a common, productive, peaceful purpose.”

It has been said that on the conclusion of his declaration, Burnam Burnam said: “It’s too cold here, I want to go home.”

5. Raconteur Mirko climbed up onto the Ladder of Knowledge and again entertained the crowd with his wit, charm and striking ideas. Mirko is fast becoming the man for all occasions. If you need an MC for your wedding, funeral, Bar Mitzvah . . . Mirko is the guy to hire. His clever blend of 21st century science mixed with good old fashioned story telling will make your special occasion something to remember.

6. A man suffering arthritis interrupted Mr B by asking for $5.30 for a prescription he needed filled. Tightwad Mr B showed neither compassion nor mercy, telling the man to go to the hospital across the way to get it filled for free. Mr Tightwad had no intention of giving the poor man a few dollars to buy himself a drink.

Fortunately, Peter the Younger jumped in with a big dose of compassion and gave the man $5. The man grinned from ear to ear. Well done, Peter!

Peter The Younger

7. Unseemly comparisons were made today. At one point the speaker likened his audience to a flock of squawking cockatoos, and later, Jack said the meeting attracted visitors in the same way a car accident attracts visitors.

Come to think of it, the meetings are a bit like a car accident.

8. ‘The Something Nice’ segment, to charm some readers and irritate others.

9. Christian speaker Ray kindly stopped by to answer a question. He was asked, “The wise men in the Bible stopped by to give Joseph and Mary gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. How much gold did Joseph and Mary receive and on what did they spend it?”

Ray had no idea and correctly said it was a ridiculous question.

10. Last year Mr B made the astounding prediction that the civilised world will unravel in five years time (2021) due to global warming. Today he made another ridiculous prediction: that Donald Trump is on his way to suffering a severe nervous breakdown.

Both Mr B and this scribe hope his predictions are wrong.

11. Other subjects discussed:
– Why is domestic violence so common?
– Is aggression learned or innate? Nature or Nurture? Or both?
– Should someone who is about to own a dog have to pass a knowledge-of-dogs test first?
– Why is the RSPCA to be disrespected?
– What does “Coles Free Range Eggs” really mean?
– What is it like for an airforce navigator to have his plane shot down over Germany, and to parachute unconscious while choking on his tongue?
– Why do teenagers act rashly?
– What makes a good boss?

We also spoke about the conflict between reason and emotion.

12. Even the two most recent Speakers’ Corner dogs, Smoky and Oi, got a mention today, though Uncle Pete felt the need to ask if they were Catholic. Go figure.

Here are two of the Speakers’ Corner dogs back in the mid nineteenth century, when the Domain was popular. The dogs’ names are unknown.

13. This scribe’s BigChat social media site is not yet up and running, but as soon as we figure out what HTML is, and how to program, we’ll have a site to make Facebook laughingly obsolete. Meanwhile, you’ll have to settle for our Facebook page.

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