14. Get well soon, Steve.

“The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.”
Steven Wright

1. A recovering Steve Maxwell began Mr B’s meeting for him while Mr B farted about parking his car. Steve had a good crowd ready for Mr B when he finally arrived.

Throughout the day members of the audience were invited to get up onto The ladder of Knowledge and speak. Each was given precisely five minutes (with a warning at the four-minute mark). The participants were Peter the Younger, Mirko (heaven help us), Uncle Pete, Albert, Mark the Grinner and Helmut. Every one of them did a good job.

Quokkas on Rottnest Island

2. Steve is having another op this week. We all wish you well, Steve. Have a speedy recovery.

3. A speaker
 suggested that the prime minister, Malcolm Turnbull, is a right royal wally for saying to journalist Neil Mitchell: “Does giving everybody a $276 a night in travelling expenses in Canberra pass the sniff test? Yes, I think clearly it does, assuming you think that’s the right amount. As long as the cost is the same across the board it’s a fair system.”

Malcolm was referring to government frontbencher Michael McCormack’s habit of staying overnight in his wife’s investment property when visiting Canberra, and claiming the $276 entitlement from the tax payer. (He received $48,000 over three years.) Malcolm thought that was fair and reasonable.

Two grasshoppers valiantly tried to justify McCormack’s entitlement claim, but even they ended up joining the audience in taking a dim view of it.

Why isn’t the media highlighting the lack of integrity displayed by McCormack and Turnbull? Why isn’t there outrage?

By the way, if you are a politician living in Canberra you still get an $87 entitlement a night, ninety days a year.

4. The usual suspects plus Helmut
took turns to stand on The Ladder of Sensitivity to read a poem. (This scribe points out that they took turns so that our fervent reader does not mistakenly think all four men stood on the Ladder together and read a poem in unison. They didn’t. But maybe one day?)

Here is one of the poems:

5. Today’s assertiveness tip was ‘Don’t be a “Maybe”‘. When you say something like, “I might come back later” when you don’t have that intention, you undermine yourself. Both parties know it’s a lie, and you just look feeble and wishy-washy. For more information click here.

To make the point, Mr B gained Uncle Pete’s assistance in a role play set in a mens clothing store. But Mr B mistook Helmut for a mannequin, and things went downhill from there.

By the way, apparently you can buy a shirt at Target for $3.

6. The ‘Something nice’ segment, to charm some and irritate others.

7. The seven wonders of the world were briefly discussed.

8. To prove that success has no importance, Mr B claimed he hadn’t succeeded in life, but was still happy. But troublesome hecklers kept contradicting him, arguing that he was successful. They gave him compliments, and made statements similar to the one below. Poor Mr B.

9. There were two young women in the audience and Tony Boyce felt obliged to claim that they were wearing provocative clothing. Fortunately, the women had figured Tony out by then, and laughed off his observation.

Ah, Tony.

I guess Boyce will be Boyce.

10. Other subjects discussed:

– Just how much does an omniscient god know? Could it know what it’s like to be a mortal human being?

– There are four arranged marriages for under-age girls in Australia every week. Should the Muslim community be singled out? Do the media unfairly focus on the Muslim community?

– The parable of the carrot, the egg and the ground coffee beans. (Mr B tells me he is enormously grateful for Uncle Pete’s insightful and pertinent interjections questioning each segment of Mr B’s story with the might of science. The interjections added an extra dimension to the parable.) This scribe agrees. Had Aesop had a man like Uncle Pete by his side helping him write his fables, Aesop would now be a household name.

– The story of Farmer Brown and his dog at the gates of heaven.

– The story of ‘The Last Leaf‘ by O Henry. (I guess you could say it was the story of O.) To justify his telling of the story, Mr B tacked on a homily at the end. Gracious of him.

– Are psychics psychic? (Hint: Nuh.)

11. Postscript: When Mr Bashful complained to this blog last week about the ‘stitch up’ done to him on the Cyberhate documentary, this scribe thought he was being paranoid. But the producers sent him an email and here is an excerpt:  ” . . . the whole project was just a ruse to capture your one mistake to discredit you on national television.”

There! Mr B has his nemeses alright.

12. Our efforts to create a new social media platform, called BigChat, have stalled indefinitely, because we still can’t figure out what HTML is. So, keep going to our Facebook page.