20. Mr B hands down the Federal Budget.

“Everyone must have two pockets, with a note in each pocket, so that he or she can reach into the one or the other, depending on the need. When feeling lowly and depressed, discouraged or disconsolate, one should reach into the right pocket, and, there, find the words: ‘For my sake was the world created.’ But when feeling high and mighty one should reach into the left pocket, and find the words: ‘I am but dust and ashes.
Rabbi Simcha Bunim

1. It was a quiet day for two reasons: (1) Steve Maxwell wasn’t there (because he was feeling poorly) and (2) There were fewer people around, possibly due to the May Day march nearby and its concomitant traffic problems.

It was a poor day to stay away, because Mr B presented to his grasshoppers a sneak preview of the federal budget, which will be officially revealed this Tuesday night by Australia’s Federal Treasurer, Scott Morrison. How Mr B obtained a copy isn’t clear.

It presents good news! Mr B went through the document, line by line, revealing Scott Morrison’s unorthodox but brilliant economic policy. On Tuesday night every person glued to their television set will be pleasantly surprised and impressed by Mr Morrison’s innovative measures. The treasurer will be providing us all with a $247b turnaround to Australia’s ailing fiscal position! As a result of this budget the deficit will be wiped clean and a big chunk of Australia’s debt will vanish. At this rate, in a little over four years Australia will have no debt. Well done, Scott Morrison! Your budget is bold and brilliant. It will be talked about for years.

Tuesday May 9th will be remembered as the day Australia took a stand and turned its future around!

The presentation would have been even better had Mr B provided a pie chart similar in style to the one below.

2. For the first time in this blog’s twenty year history this scribe made a mistake. Last week we told you that Cyclone Rhonda had returned to Melbourne. We were wrong. She stayed in Sydney for today’s May Day, and when those festivities concluded she came to The Domain to haunt us again. We were treated to a colourful history of the Eureka flag.

She also suggested that we should become a republic. But who would want to offend the harmless dear little old lady pictured below?

3. John August, radio shock jock
of Sydney’s FM radio station, Radio Skid Row, also stood on the Ladder of Knowledge. He spoke about the ‘fractionalisation’ of parties today. For example, one party’s mission might be to help the environment, but there are so many different ways of helping it that the party could attract some environmentalists and repel others. It’s difficult to find a party that truly represents our values and policies.

Mark The Grinner explained why small parties like One Nation don’t have to be elected to make an impact.

Helmut couldn’t speak. Tony wouldn’t let him! (Tony, ex-speaker turned heckler, is so adept at baiting Helmut that Helmut now gives up trying to speak.) Hopefully, when Steve Maxwell returns, Steve can act as a decoy again.

Be kind, Tony!

4. Two poems were read. Mr B admitted to not understanding either of them. And one of them was his! Fortunately, Mark The Grinner was on hand to explain one of the poems to him. It is as follows:


5. The ‘Something Nice’ segment. To charm some and irritate others.

6. Other subjects talked about:

– How can it be that Coles was successfully sued for $1.1m by a woman who broke her hip falling off a safety step?

– The generation that has just died (those born in the 1920s) experienced a far greater rate of change in their life than those preceding them and those of us who are following them. They lived in changing times.

– The ‘Keyser Soze’ method of preventing all international wars.

– The upgraded NATO of preventing all international wars.

7. Mirko turned up at 4pm instead of 2pm. He is still adjusting to the changes involved with Daylight Saving Time.

8. Last week’s lament for more Facebook subscribers prompted a deluge of subscribers. (If you can call two a deluge.)

Our Archive site has been nominated by this scribe for the ‘World’s Best Blog With No Visitors‘ award. Wish us luck.